Sleepless dreamer

I’m not sure if I suffer from insomnia. Maybe I can sleep but I just don’t try hard enough. Maybe I need to actually just lie down and close my eyes for longer than five minutes, than rely on a singular cup of green tea to aid my sleep. I guess I could just be setting myself up for failure by my lack of effort.

But then again I’m not sure if that’s true. I try so many things to get a wink of sleep. I do much more than drink a big cup of green tea. Why doesn’t fresh linen sheets, lavender pillow mist, or hot steamy showers have any effect either? 

Another issue might be my self identified heightened creativity at night. I just don’t feel inspired during the day: to do work, to write, to accomplish anything of worth. But as soon as the street lights start to glow a little, I feel a burst of motivation. The moon is my muse and I am obliged to write, draw, and make a mess. I know I should be sleeping but how can I when I’ve finally been hit with the means to do what I know I should have been doing all day. So whilst medically I might not be considered an insomniac, does my anxiety to follow the moons whispers of guidance to stay awake, somewhat validate my inability to sleep?

Annoyingly I also lack the ability to sleep in the day. All my friends speak of the joy of an afternoon nap, waking up refreshed, with a second burst of energy to tackle the rest of the day. I wake up tired, so maybe a nap would simply provide me a singular burst of energy. That would be enough. Yet no matter how much I try I can’t fall asleep during the day. I shut my eyes in a dark room but my mind just begins to wander more. It’s like those awful moments of silence in school assemblies to reflect, but really all you can think about is whether you’ll have a kitkat or quavers as a snack at break time. I blame it on the sun being my ruling planet. How could I ignore my celestial calling to bask in the suns glow?

I’m still not sure if I qualify as an insomniac or just someone who’s failed at accomplishing yet another small task. Either way I will always relish the thought of sleep, and look forward to my next successful attempt at nighttime bliss.

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